Missives from a misanthrope

give up the funk

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 20:55:22 GMT

I am a HUGE funk fan. That is no question.

I'm in England now, and I love it. My husband wants to go to Australia in the future, but I can't see leaving England...ever. It's so beautiful here, who would want to leave? All the locals tell me it's terrible and grey all the time, but it's a welcoming change to me. I love it here.

I had my bass guitar delivered a week ago, and I'm looking for a band. A funk band. I don't think there are many funk bands in this part of England. I may have to go to London.

I'm going to London tomorrow. I will try to network as much as possible.

Anywho... One Nation Under A Groove...
Amanda

New Blog

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 11:13:20 GMT

nearly-freezing.blogspot.com

Just for fun!

I'm still here

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 07:24:03 GMT

Yep.

The most uncomfortable Starbucks experience.

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 22:32:36 GMT

So I got sent home from work today, due to illness. I was feeling a bit better and I decided to get myself a refreshing, iced coffee beverage from the local Starbucks...local meaning Studio City-ish. I was dressed for freezing weather and when I got outside, it was a nice 70 degrees...so I quickly tore off my scarf and sat down with my book "Breakfast of Champions" by Kurt Vonnegut. The sun was beating on my face, and I didn't mind for a little bit, but soon it was just too unbearable. I guess the starbucks that I patronized had a small oven fire earlier that day, and it smelled of smoke and fire extinguisher. So the hot sun, smoke and traffic from the busy intersection of Laurel Canyon and Riverside was already irritating me. Then two city vehicles showed up to fix the streetlights. Not just vehicles. Huge TRUCKS! They were screaming things at the top of their lungs, and also the trucks were LOUD. LOUD!!! CAPITAL LETTERS LOUD! I could have screamed. So instead of screaming, I left.

Fin.

Sat, 15 Sep 2007 19:54:18 GMT

Trying to write an article while the neighbors are chainsawing down a tree is REALLY difficult.

Headphones? I think so.

Good Sunday

Sun, 22 Jul 2007 20:21:50 GMT

Hello friends.

Today is a good Sunday, and I'm enjoying the warm weather. I've been working like crazy. I'm doing accounting for the same company now. It's...interesting. I never thought I'd be working with numbers or money. It seems to be working out.

There's a new man in my life. We're just taking things really slow and working out all the kinks before we really get together. There's no rush and it's much better this way. We've been talking for a few months and really getting to know eachother before we just jump into anything. I'm 22 and I've finally learned how to date.

Funny how things happen.

Amanda

Holy cow...

Sat, 23 Jun 2007 19:48:20 GMT

How long has it been? 2 months or so? Jeez....

Anyway, I'm still alive and kicking. Still working at the same job. I don't know if I mentioned that I got a new car, but I did. Still single, still loving it.

I've been having strange thoughts of getting married and having children lately, and it's really tripping me out. Not like I have anyone to do it with yet, but it's fun to think about. I've been hanging out with new friends and old friends. The valley is seeing less and less of me as I'm making my name known about town. I'm spending more time in Silver Lake, Echo Park and Hollywood, also looking to move out there when my lease is up.

My ex (Team) is completely out of my life, and this is the most refreshing thing. I left all of my baggage outside his door for him to sort through, since he's the one who burdened me with it.

Men are a funny thing, and I don't really need one in this time in my life. They just cause headaches.

Anywho-- I'm planning on writing a lot more. It's hard to get all the juicy details of my life in, if I only post once every two months. Plus, this is free therapy.

From Russia with Love,
Amanda

Two months to report...

Sun, 01 Apr 2007 20:03:28 GMT

Hello all. Boy it has been a long time. I finally have a bit of time to myself and I decided to update this damn thing.

Well, I got a new job. It pays very well and it's full time. So I've quit Blockbuster, for good. It's nice to know that I will never (hopefully) have to go back into retail. Retail is good for a while, until you can't pay your bills and you become an adult. Adult life is just so much different. It's been almost a year since I've been living on my own and it's so liberating. It's a good feeling to be able to pay your rent on your own.

I got a new car. It's a 99 Toyota Solara, and it's beautiful. It's the nicest car I've ever owned and I can't believe I actually OWN a car. I have really cheap payments. I still can't believe I was financed. Things are finally starting to come together.

I've had the worst luck with dating lately. That's the only thing that isn't coming together. It will eventually, but for now, it's the pits. I don't even feel like discussing it really. I just wish that someone would treat me nicely instead of treating me like shit. I'm turning into a brutal man hater, faster each minute.

Anyway, it's still nice to see this from my bedroom window:

Cheers,
Amanda

Well, the news.

Thu, 18 Jan 2007 02:50:39 GMT

I'm still alive people. L.A. is great. I really love it here.

Team is upsetting me, so I'm really feeling like being extra distant. I should just cut everything off with him, but I need him so it's tough. If I didn't need his help, I wouldn't see him that often...or would I? That's probably all completely untrue. I'm addicted to that man. I just don't understand sometimes.

I suppose I'm a freelance bartender now...I bartend anywhere and everywhere that needs me, even for only one night. I wish I had a set schedule. I never know when I'm going to get called into work.

Now that I'm out here, I don't have anxiety attacks. That is such a relief.

Amanda

P.S. I hate my first name. Everyone in my neighborhood thinks I speak Spanish just because it's a Latin name. Why can't I have a cool white girl name like Lucy or Betty or Abigail. I'm just going to start going by Abigail, or Betty, or Lucy when I bartend...

What a new year it has been.

Sat, 06 Jan 2007 22:06:40 GMT

Well, I am settled into my new place now. It's fantastic. There's a beautiful view from my bedroom window of the mountain and downtown L.A. I've got a car now, and I'm driving around town, to work and what not. I'm a bartender at a shitty bar in Monrovia, and also (infamously) rehired at a Blockbuster around here. Ahh, back to the old roots. Oh well.

Things are weird with my ex. We're together and then we're not and then we are and then we aren't. I'm really getting bored with men. I'm bored within 5 minutes of a conversation with any of them. They never seem to have anything of substance to say when they're trying to get in your pants. A bunch of babbling idiots. I wish they would just leave me alone. I put up a huge wall whenever I meet them, and sometimes they just don't get it. Well, I suppose the fact that I'm unavailable makes them want me even more. The fact that I'm a challenge and a chase makes it more fun for the guy (and for me), because I'm not going to just give in to them. Silly silly men.

That's all for now.

Amanda

Fri, 29 Dec 2006 07:33:49 GMT

I've moved! Well, kind of. My ex-boyfriend/good friend/whatever-the-fuck put me up in a hotel for a week. I'm shocked that he even did that, but he said it's because "he cares a lot for me and I'm an important person to him". Fuck.

So I'm in Monrovia, the fucking twin sister of Northridge. It's nice, but there are just as many opportunities here as there are in Northridge, which is none. But I am close to Pasadena and there are a lot of things to do there. So today is the day that I look for jobs. I found a couple of things that I might get, but since the holiday weekend is coming up, they won't be hiring anyone until after the 1st. Oh well.

Team came over tonight and we had mexican food that I prepared and we polished off a bottle of Gamay Beaujolais (that's a fancy name for red wine) and had a pleasant conversation. I wish I could get over the fact that my heart flutters everytime I see him. Oh wells.

Anyway, I'm off to bed so I can hit the pavement again tomorrow!

Amanda

I'm a sad panda.

Thu, 21 Dec 2006 02:13:38 GMT

Well...I gave up on the Navy. I gave up on a lot of things. It's just easier that way as I don't have the strength or energy to fight right now. I've been fighting with people lately. I got drunk and started screaming at my room-mate last night. That's not like me. I just let my emotions get the best of me, and I took it out on him. He understands and was very cool about it, but I'm not cool with it.

Another funeral on Friday. Then I'm going to the Upright Citizens Brigade with Team. I don't know why I keep talking with that man...well I do know why. I love him. I've gotten over most of it by now.

I haven't been this depressed since high school. I feel the same loneliness that I did back in those days...like no one knows me or even understands...or even cares for that matter.

My brothers have left for Oregon for Christmas, and this has been the hardest thing to deal with. I want them back here, where I know they'll be safe.

Alcohol is the only way I know how to cope.

Training

Fri, 15 Dec 2006 15:23:57 GMT

Well, this past week, I've been training my ass off for the US Navy. Running 3 miles a day, all kinds of calisthenics, and 45 minutes on an exercise bike at night. It's getting easier and easier everyday. Should be ready to enlist in 2-3 months. I'm being trained by a US Marine, so I should easily be on top of my game come time for boot camp.

That is all.

Amanda

I am...

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 05:00:41 GMT

...enlisting in the US Navy.

Please, don't tell me it's a bad idea because it isn't. It's a great one.

Amanda

Bughhheugehu

Sat, 09 Dec 2006 09:25:56 GMT

Why do Grammy nominations thoroughly bum me out each year? Oh yeah, because they nominate shit. Well not all of it is shit...but c'mon...James Blunt? 5 nominations?!? Anyone that can carry a tune can sing that rancid song better than him. U2 and Green Day will win anyways so what's the point of nominating?

Anyway, I spent the whole day with a man that I love (but that doesn't love me...for all I know), and that's fine with me. Going on the swings in December in L.A. is great, because it's still 80 degrees out, and the weather is perfect. And the fact that you can see Downtown from the swingset is wonderful as well. After that we ate sushi, walked through some beautiful gardens, saw Apocalypto (which was very, very good), drank wine, napped, and went to a comedy show. It was a lovely day.

Time for me to sleep now...

Amanda

Squeaky swings and tall grass
the longest shadows ever cast
The water's warm and children swim
and we frolicked about in our summer skin

I don't recall a single care
just greenery and humid air
Then Labor day came and went
and we shed what was left of our summer skin

On the night you left I came over
and we peeled the freckles from our shoulders
Our brand new coats so flushed and pale
And I knew your heart I couldn't win

Cause the season's change was a conduit
And we'd left our love in our summer skin

Looking back on 2006.

Tue, 05 Dec 2006 00:06:03 GMT

2006 marks one of the worst years I have had. Four deaths, surgery, lots of different jobs, lust, love, heartbreak, friendships were tested, court cases and family problems. It was nice to have a Thanksgiving just with my friends, we had a good time. Now Christmas is coming, and my brothers will be visiting their cunt of a grandmother during that time. I'm ready to go with them. Their scumbag father is still up there in (B)Oregon and so help me God if he comes within 100 feet of them, I will kill him and his fat-slut mother. I think I'm going with them. I have to.

So, as 2006 comes to a close, this post is in memory of Ursula, Randall Coleman, Lane Wesley, and our dear cat (Sausage) Lynx.

There is misery in all I hear and see
From the people on tv
After their tea when life begins again
They'll be happier than me

Amanda

Thu, 30 Nov 2006 06:05:16 GMT

I am slowly reconstructing my life. I should get some kind of pay from the government, like reparations, since half the stuff that's wrong with my finances or credit is due to someone else.

Oh geez. :/

Tue, 28 Nov 2006 19:01:40 GMT

My life is a pile of shit.

Wow...

Mon, 27 Nov 2006 06:43:10 GMT

I am in love, and it hurts like a motherfucker. This man is perfect in all of his imperfections, no matter what he does, or how much he may piss me off, I can't seem to shake this feeling I have. This is terrible. :/

Anyway, things are alright. This man I speak of gave me an amazing gift. He gave me an old school 35mm camera, with three different lenses. It is absolutely brilliant.

I am in awful shape right now.

Amanda

Some good news...

Tue, 21 Nov 2006 01:50:35 GMT

Lions in the Street are officially a client of Indie Indeed!

:D

Is it even worth it?

Mon, 20 Nov 2006 22:06:54 GMT

Is all the trouble I'm going through now even worth it? Just tell me, I'd like to know if I should just keep fighting or if I should give up.

Giving up sounds really good at the moment...

I could use a fucking vacation. Or maybe some good therapy.

If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

Sat, 18 Nov 2006 07:42:29 GMT

Well, I lost my job...the first day I had it. Nannying for wealthy families obviously isn't my forte. I got fired for smoking...but it's not like I even did it in or around the house or the kid. The mother basically called me a liar and said that "I'm not a good fit"...even though I really was and the kid loved me. Oh well. At least I didn't get too attached to the kid. Whatever.

So now I'm unemployed. I signed my separation papers at Blockbuster and my boss said this is the last time he'll take me back to work. I hate that place anyway, so I'll just find something bigger and better.

I just finished reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky and it thoroughly bummed me out. It was a great book, very easy to get into, but it was just so depressing. I think it's more depressing that I can relate to the main character.

I started writing my book, and it's tough. It's tough because I'm such a perfectionist, and if something doesn't sound right, it'll take me a while to think of something better to put in it's place. Ugh...

There was just a party at my house, and it's almost over. I made margaritas, being the resident bartender that I am, everyone was happy with my makings.

Well, off to do the thing that got me fired...smoke.

Love you all,
Amanda

Oh yeah, I'm seeing Team tomorrow. He's coming over and we're going to my room-mate's football game. This should be interesting...

Hmmm

Sun, 12 Nov 2006 07:49:06 GMT

Hello everyone.

So, I have a new job. I'm now a live-in nanny. So I'm moving 10 minutes away, and now I'll have a car. The family, they seem pretty well off. The mother works for Bank of America running their foreign exchange department and the father is a chef. He's from France. He's got a very thick accent. The daughter is absolutely adorable. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle this. Is this what I really want to do for now? It seems like I have no choice.

Boys...I guess there is a potential man. He's a real nice guy. I like him. He's very cool and we have similar tastes in music and stuff. I don't know yet though. Whatev...

I'm just in a weird state of mind. I want to cry, but I can't. I want to write, but I can't. I want to scream, but I don't have the energy. I have no idea what's going on with me. I'm moving to a different city (10 minutes away...haha), and I won't really know anyone.

I'll be fine, I just need to get some sleep.

-Amanda

Been a long time!

Thu, 02 Nov 2006 22:42:10 GMT

Well, it's been quite awhile since I've posted anything. I'll let y'all in on a little bit of my goings on.

I'm single, but dating. I've had a few dates and a few potentials going on. They're really cool guys. One of the guys, I've never talked this much with a guy in soo long. We can just sit and talk for hours. The other guy, we have very similar tastes in music and we get along as far as the arts go. He's a very nice guy, real sweetheart.

Work is work. Still looking (always will be) for something better.

I went down to Hollywood for Halloween. It was pretty cool. Here is a pic of me on Hallow's Eve!

Wow, I barely remember these lj codes!

As far as music goes, I've expanded my horizons even further and I am THOROUGHLY pleased. Like I've said before, I've fallen in love with Devo all over again. A lot of other bands too. All around good stuff.

I've started writing my book. It's fun and therapeutic at the same time.

Anyways, I love you all, and I hope to be more into my lj.

-Amanda

Sun, 22 Oct 2006 18:23:47 GMT

Been awhile...

Nothing new.
Single.
Job sucks.
I have a $7,000 hospital bill.
I'm still in pain.
Endometriosis??
Headaches?
Lifeaches????

I'm really in a ditch right now. I'm trying my best to climb out of it.

Hope you all are well.

-Amanda